A few weeks ago, an Invisible Lives reader sent me an email with a question about two of the terms I tend to use interchangeably. He asked:

“Do you make a distinction between invisible and hidden? Hiding who we are (invisible) vs. withholding some aspect of ourselves (hidden).”

Let’s explore it…

Hiding Vs. Invisible

Even though the words evoke a significant overlap in meaning (and I do use them interchangeably), I see them as qualitatively different. Here’s how:

Hiding is actively and consciously concealing some aspect of you. There is a situational quality to hiding. Think of the childhood game “Hide and Seek” and imagine being the hider. In this case, the hider actively conceals his/her body from the seeker, actively trying not to be found. In life, we have all learned how to hide as a defense against real or perceived threats. It’s a natural part of our survival in the word. 

For example, I have actively and consciously concealed from others the fact that I’m gay, especially when I have sensed or felt a threat of some sort. In contrast, I no longer conceal this fact from my friends or family…or the readers of this blog!

Invisibility is the belief that you do not deserve to be seen, that you are deficient or inferior to others, or that you are unworthy to live your biggest, most beautiful life. These beliefs are the forces behind invisibility. They hijack our ability and willingness to be visible. These beliefs quietly and insidiously displace who we are with destructive forces like shame, fear, resentment, and anger. We can even be well-aware of our own invisibility, but it can still sneak out of the shadows when we’re not paying attention.

For example, I recently had a phone conversation with a friend during which I felt very uncomfortable…yet, I continued the conversation without revealing my discomfort or intervening in some other way. During the call, he asked me questions that I blindly (and inappropriately) answered. I was barely aware of the pressure in my chest, the inappropriateness of my responses to his questions, and the conflict that had brewed up inside of me. As soon as I hung up the phone, however, the sensations that I had been holding back rushed over me…and I felt sick to my stomach. I allowed invisibility to hijack me and now I had a mess to clean up. It took me about an hour to work through what had just happened and to figure out how I would resolve the situation. The good news is that I put on my “big girl pants” (sorry - I heard someone say that recently, and I LOVE that phrase) and I called my friend back. In our follow-up conversation, I was uncomfortable, but fully present. I took responsibility for my behavior and we worked together to resolve the experience. I was visible…and it made a difference.

If the distinction between hidden and invisible is still muddled, think of it this way:

• Hiding is situational, active, and conscious; the person hiding can reveal him/herself at any moment.
• Invisibility is pervasive and insidious; it is fueled by a set of negative beliefs that hijack our consciousness; the invisible person struggles with being visible to others and, most often, to him/herself; invisibility is a way of “being” in the world; many of us who are invisible, don’t even know it when it’s happening.

If the distinction is still unclear, let it sit for awhile or don’t even worry about it. Ultimately, what matters most is that I inspire at least one person in this world to see themselves differently and to live consciously, visibly, and be their biggest, brightest, most powerful self.

What is your perspective on the distinction between hidden and invisible? What other words would you like to explore or clarify? I invite you to post your response as a comment or send me an email (my email is on the About Me page).

www.invisiblelives.com

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