Do you know The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams? It’s a touching story about a stuffed rabbit that becomes real. I read The Velveteen Rabbit for the first time a few years ago. That 20–minute read touched me deeply and reminded me about the process of overcoming invisibility.

Now there is Toni Raiten-D’Antonio’s book, The Velveteen Principles: A Guide to Becoming Real. Drawing on the classic children’s story, Toni beautifully and succinctly describes the process of becoming real (visible). She describes how we objectify ourselves (we turn ourselves into objects instead of being human), push for perfection, ignore our emotions, and strive to be something that we are not and never will be.

Toni captures the essence of what creates invisibility:

The process usually begins early in life, when children are punished for expressing themselves in ways that make adults uncomfortable and rewarded for stifling or denying their true feelings. (page 69)

Her description captures my experience as a child that I wrote about in A Defining Moment.

I appreciated Toni’s description of how she became invisible:

In my childhood, I was trained to make myself as invisible and self-sufficient as possible. My parents pushed this role on me for a number of reasons. The main one may have been because they were both diagnosed with serious and ultimately debilitating illnesses. They were too distraught to focus on a little girl, and they lacked the physical and emotional energy to take care of me. For these reasons and more, I was discouraged from ever voicing a need or desire. I even learned to hate those parts of myself that required care and attention. I believed I had to be perfect in order to be good enough. As I grew up, I continued to believe I must be perfect, always nurturing and available. Of course, those beliefs set me up for an unhappy life as a resentful, empty-hearted martyr. (page 142)

What parts of Toni’s experience resonate with you?

This winter, curl up in front of the fireplace in a cozy chair with a mug of hot chocolate, a comfy blanket, and a stuffed animal and pour yourself into The Velveteen Collection: The Velveteen Principles & The Velveteen Rabbit. Invest four hours in becoming real (visible). It will be worth it.

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