In a previous post, I wrote about a situation with my friend, Dee, who asked me the million-dollar question, “Are you invisible right now?” I thought it would be interesting to apply The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom to that situation. Here is the result:

Agreement One – Be impeccable with your word. When Dee asked me, “Are you invisible right now?” my first impulse was to run away from the question and simply deny it – a habituated, shame-oriented response to conflict. Yet, I was able to access the internal resources to speak the truth, to be in a place of integrity, and to answer her question honestly.

Agreement Two – Don’t take anything personally. Her question created a conflict for me, but I saw past the immediate threat and, instead, recognized it as an opportunity to be visible. Even though I took her question personally at first, reframing the situation as an opportunity was a significant shift, which de-personalized it. It brought us both right into the moment and created an honest, authentic connection.

Agreement Three – Don’t make assumptions. When Dee asked me the question, my first reaction was to assume that she could not handle the truth. Fortunately, I didn’t dwell on that assumption. Instead, I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she could handle the answer. While this too is an assumption, it is based on seeing Dee in a positive light rather than perceiving some deficiency within her. By being authentic with Dee, I was letting her know that I trust her and honor her ability to take care of herself.

Agreement Four – Always do your best. I did my best. I know this because my body relaxed and our conversation progressed into much deeper territory than before.

Was there more that I could have done? Absolutely. Was I truly impeccable with my word? Mostly, but I could have been more transparent about the conflict that arose within me as a result of her question. Did I take anything personally? I sure did, but I was able to de-personalize it enough to see the opportunity inherent in the threat. Did I make assumptions? Well, yes, but I quickly overcame the most powerful of them.

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